


Family Dog

by mageicalwishes



Series: Carry On Countdown 2020 [7]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst, BASICALLY I AM REALLY SORRY FOR THIS IDK WHAT DEMON MADE ME WRITE THIS, Baz's Dog, Biting, Blood Drinking, Carry On Countdown 2020 (Simon Snow), Carry On Countdown Day 7, Gen, Heavy Angst, Mild Blood, Mordelia Trying To Be A Nice Sister, Pain, big sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:55:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27833395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mageicalwishes/pseuds/mageicalwishes
Summary: My interpretation of "I was a 15-year-old closet case whose parents pretended they didn’t notice when the family dog disappeared"."A shallow grave. So much less than she deserves. But … I can’t breathe. I can’t even think. I’m running on autopilot and adrenaline alone. Everything is just - I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know how I got here. I'm losing control. I can't - I can't even look at her. She's still wrapped in my sheets. I can see her bleeding. I still want it. I still want more."Carry On Countdown, Day 7 - Animal.
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Series: Carry On Countdown 2020 [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2027147
Kudos: 17
Collections: Carry On Countdown 2020





	Family Dog

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by artwork from @cynopoe on Tumblr!!
> 
> TW: Slight Emetophobia Warning!! (Non Graphic. Final line of first paragraph, feel free to skip if you're concerned!) & Hemophobia Warning!! (This is a very Vampire-heavy fic, so unfortunately there is frequent mention of blood). I have both these phobias (Lol RIP me) and faint when I see them IRL, but this was fine for me to write so I don't think it should be anything too major. However, everyone's phobias are different so I wanted to give a heads up.  
> Please be aware of these warnings before reading, and feel free to skip over this if it's not for you :)

**Baz**

A shallow grave. So much less than she deserves. But … I can’t breathe. I can’t even think. I’m running on autopilot and adrenaline alone. Everything is just - I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know how I got here. I'm losing control. I can't - I can't even look at her. She's still wrapped in my sheets. I can see her bleeding. _I still want it. I still want more._ My hands - I’m trying to dig but they won’t stop shaking. My stomach is churning, sick with the guilt, I have to - I stop and heave once more, the remnants of my crime splattering grimly on the dampened soil. I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to hurt her.

The Change had started a week or so after I returned home from Watford. At first, it was nothing more than a minor irritant - A stinging in the sun, a bone-deep chill. But … it worsened. 

First, came the dryness of my throat. That unceasing thirst no amount of water could quench. And then, came the mind-clouding obsession. My every thought _consumed_ by blood. The steady slog of it through my family’s vessels so distracting that I couldn’t so much as look at them - The people that I _loved_ \- without that incessant need to _take._ Their blood. Their life. Their _everything._

It wasn’t me, not really, but I couldn’t stop it - Couldn’t fight it. Frozen, weak and powerless, my humanity withering away before me as the monster took it’s hold. I didn’t know what to do - Didn’t know who to go to - and so … I hid. 

I thought that if I locked myself away and waited for the initial thirst to subside, that everyone would be safe. That I’d make it through without hurting anybody - Without losing myself. 

I didn’t know much about Vampirism, but I’d been assured that the effects were at their worst on initial onset. If I endured, it would become more manageable. If I bared it, I could live with it. I’d pinned all of my hopes on that promise, but it had let me down. 

Father had a key to my door - An emergency plan. If I needed it, he could lock me in. But I didn’t, I had it under control. I _thought_ that I was alright. That I could make it. No matter how hazy or desperate I became, how _thirsty_ I was, they were safe. Everyone was _safe._ And then … Mordelia tried to be kind. 

She couldn’t have realised what she was doing. She didn’t know (None of the children did). She just didn’t want me to be lonely anymore. And so … she let Dotty in. 

I tried to get her away from me, tried to get her out of my room. But she thought I was playing, so she just kept running and jumping up at me, tennis ball held happily in her mouth. She was so _warm,_ and I was so _weak._ All I could see, and think, and feel, and hear was _her_ \- Every breath she took, every _maddening thump_ of her heart. I couldn’t escape it. I’d craved it for so long, and here it was, trapped in a room with me. I didn’t - I didn’t mean to do it. I don’t know what happened. One second I was shoving her away from me, and the next, I’d done it. I’d bitten her. 

I’ll never be able to escape the echo of her cries. How she whimpered beneath me, high pitched and betrayed. The fragment of me that remained, screaming, _begging_ it to stop, to just let her go, overpowered by the darkness. By the _need._

I couldn’t let go. I just kept biting and biting and biting, pushing my jaw harder against her flesh. Blood suffocating me with every move, tacky under my nails and dripping from the lengths of my hair. I didn’t even care. I _couldn’t_ care. Finally … I was satiated. 

And so … Here I am. Slathered in mud and crimson, desperately trying to bury my beloved dog in the shallow pit I’ve scraped out of the ground. Trying to forget it. Trying to pretend that this is some sick, perverted nightmare - That I’ll wake up and be _me_ again. Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch, not whoever did this. Not _whatever_ did this. I cant - I won’t - I don’t …

* * *

When I make it back to the house, the sun is hanging fire in the sky. 

I don’t know how long it has been since I took her - 4 hours? 5? _How many moments have I had to bear it so far?_ My mind is clearer now, but I’m still lost. It wasn’t me, it was … I don’t know. 

Daphne screams when she sees me, and Father comes racing down the stairs in a panic. I didn’t think about them being awake. I should’ve just waited. I should’ve just stayed hidden. I should’ve just stayed _gone._ But it’s too late now. He’s pushing her behind his body, shielding her with his presence. _Protecting her from me._ I can see the realisation dawn on his face as he takes me in - My unmistakably bloodied figure, her yellow-spotted collar still clutched in my muddied. _Disgust._ That’s what I see. Pure, unrelenting _disgust_ at what I’ve done - What I’ve become. 

“Mother, Father, I didn’t - I didn’t mean to. Please, you have to believe me," I’m sobbing, chest rattling as I try to explain - Try to somehow absolve myself of their justified hatred. It’s _sick._ A truly disturbed little performance. But, they _have_ to know. They mustn't think … “I wouldn’t hurt you - I wouldn’t hurt anybody - _Anything._ It was an accident. I tried to undo it. I tried to heal her, but my magic wouldn’t come, I was too … I didn’t have enough in me. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. Please don’t-” 

With a lift of his hand, he silences me. “Go and clean yourself up, Basilton,” he says, voice flat and hollow. “We’ll deal with this later.” 

We won’t talk about it, I know. We’ll act like it never happened. But it did. And I don’t know how I’m supposed to go on pretending anymore. 

Later, as I was scrubbing the shame from my body - Watching the whole diabolic night swirl down the plug, as I scoured my tainted skin raw. The _reek_ of Copper and Dirt, poorly masked with lashings of Cedar and Bergamot - I heard the unmistakable locking of my door. A vicious creature finally confined to it’s cell. That final, _damning_ confirmation. My own family - Scared of me. They can’t even trust me not to hurt them anymore (And neither can I). Not like this. Not with what I’ve become. _One of them._ Crowley, Mother would be so disappointed in me. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed :) Comments and kudos, appreciated.  
> OOOOOF, this one hurt me to write. I hope anyone who read the whole thing will forgive me for what I have done :((((  
> I would like to apologise to Mr. Grimm-Pitch for doing this to him once again. Man is getting bombarded with Angst in my fics recently.  
> My Tumblr: [Link text](https://mageicalwishes.tumblr.com/)  
> Inspired by THIS artwork:  
> [Link text](https://cynopoe.tumblr.com/post/629270069721153536/i-was-a-15-year-old-closet-case-whose-parents)  
> 


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